Narratives of life - twenties

When I was in my twenties just out from Military College, I thought that being the best operator of all systems and example in everything were only things that was needed to be a leader in Signals. I hated every undefined feature in Signals procedures and spend hours to write how things should be done. I pressed my subordinates with both lengthy instructions and energetic behaviour. I competed with my peers and superiors in being most skillful, strong and strict young officer in the field of Signals business.

Up to a certain level everything went well. Conscripts followed my instructions, sometimes out of fear towards my temper and overarching skills and sometimes just to get things over with and return back to barracks. My peers did not like me because of constant competition and I did not gain any close friendship with them. My superiors either disliked me and turned their attention somewhere else or trusted me and gave freedom of operation.

I felt left alone with my role of being the best. Gradually I changed my behaviour to be more supportive towards my peers. I shared my work with them and helped them in their problems. I teamed up with some really good fellows to study together and we all were successfully passed in entry exams to General Staff College. I learned that sharing will enable collegial support and that will get you further than selfish hoarding of information and constant comparison of your skills and capabilities.

Later I realized that I had been risen to behave like that. The whole education system was driven by individual values and competition was constant as we were set in order of superiority every time in exams and tests. Only in conscript training some credit was gained by team, when we together were able to ski through dark forest, settle a camp and counter enemy attack just before sun rise. Even that was ruined, when excess holidays were given on basis of individual success in shooting, running or exams. Team sociology was educated in Military College only in theory when competition between cadets was constant and only sanctions would have been addressed in team basis. After graduation I was given a task to compose integrated teams out of heterogeneous conscripts in my responsibility. I did not have any practical experience on that but taking them out in the woods and giving them challenges that they together were able to overcome. My superior skills and using them to humiliate my conscripts or peers were only counterproductive.